Reblogged : Chamchagiri part one

This post is reblogged in full from "Kuch Kaha Kya?", aka "did you say something?" – It’s high on the list of Hinglish satire 🙂 Enjoy, Anirban 🙂 [btw, the views of the author are not necessarily that of this re-publisher ]

I know that in today’s world, it is not always the best guy who wins.

You’ve
seen that chamcha, that sycophant, that good-for-nothing has succeeded
where you bright IITians and IIM MBAs have failed miserably and it is
so frustrating to see those un-worthy people go up, while you slog and
slog and slog. And still, no success.

‘We don’t want your 18th Century Mantras of success in today’s management’, you say.

Awright!
Get ready for those tricks that would take you to the stratosphere of
your company, but all those who are queasy, cowards or ethically
unchallengeable, step aside.

But first, a real-life story.

After
my stint with a propah MNC, I joined a typical family-run business in
North India and on my first day of joining, my very successful friend
told me a ‘mantra’ that would take me up to the top- just like a
rocket. Zoooooooooooom!

And what ‘Mantra’ was that?

He said, ‘every time you meet your Chairman, you go down and touch his feet!’

Simple!

‘What? What are you saying? Are you out of your fuc*ing mind?’ My young, proud and naïve self protested.

‘Look
here. One, the chairman is much older to you- in age and experience,
like the head of the family; Two, who doesn’t like respect from
juniors; Three, if you touch his feet, what can you possibly lose?
Four, just think what he will do to you, if you do that?

  1. Kick you for touching his feet? (‘Get lost! How dare you! You pervert!’)
  2. Say nice aashirwaadi things (‘Jeete Raho, Beta, khush raho!’); and
  3. Take notice of you? (’Who is this guy?’ ‘Why is he touching my feet?’)

‘Most probably, he will do one of the last two things’, I guessed.

‘Good. And, do this EVERY once in a day- wherever and whenever you meet him. Got that into your dumb-head?’

‘What the f**k are you talking, man? It is so embarrassing in front of others’

‘Why?
Don’t you touch your father’s feet? Is that embarrassing to your
Amrikan education? And, what kind of message that one gesture of yours
will send to all and sundry in the company?’

‘That I’m a low-life, good-for-nothing, sycophantic chamcha, what else?’

‘Yesss! And, that you are on feet-touching basis with ‘The Chairman’

‘That, too!’

‘Exactly!!!
That’s the kind of message I want you to send to one and all in your
company- potential friends and future foes alike’

‘They will detest me, hate me, hate my guts, ……’

‘And,
fear you! Because, you’re on feet-touching basis with ‘The Chairman’ of
the company. Initially, the Chairman will wonder as to ‘why this guy is
touching my feet every time I meet him? Bring his resume. I see- he’s
well educated, good schooling, a post-graduate engineer, MBA, from US,
quite well mannered, decent, nice up-bringing, respectful, professional
work-experience. Hmmm… Call him right now!’

‘And, what about my conscience?’

‘Screw your conscience! You remember to leave that at home every day, OK?’

‘Mujhse nahi hoga yeh sab!’

‘Toh jaao khade raho line main- aur sado!’

So,
all those of you, who believe that their conscience is more important
than their progress up the ladder, get down here. This bus is only for
those without that excess baggage.

Rest, follow me.

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This entry was posted in Business, India/China/Asia, Personal. Bookmark the permalink.

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